Giten answers question on meditation and love, and aloneness and relating
Giten had an individual consultation with Moa, a female doctor, who flew from the north of Sweden especially for the consultation. It became a long and exciting 2-hour consultation , where she finally had to say that she must go so that she did not miss the flight back to the north of Sweden.
After the consultation this female doctor wrote a mail to Giten with three follow up questions. One of the questions was that she wondered about her feeling that to go deeper in meditation also means to go outwards.
The deeper you go in meditation, the more you develop love and creativity. Meditation is the roots and love and creativity are the flower.
The criteria that your meditation is going deeper is that the meditation develops love and creativity.
The deeper you go in meditation, the more life and meditation become one.
The two Aspects of Meditation: Love and Aloneness
What are the two aspects of meditation? How does love and aloneness relate to each other in meditation? Just as the continuous rhythm of ebb and flood of the ocean, meditation also develops between two aspects. These two aspects are love and aloneness. Love and aloneness are the two banks between which the river of meditation flows. Love and aloneness are the two wings of meditation. We need to develop both these wings to learn to fly.
Aloneness is our inner nature. We are born alone and we will die alone. Aloneness is the quality of our inner being. Aloneness is to be deeply rooted in our inner being.
The word “aloneness” consists of two syllables: al-oneness. Aloneness means to be one with our self. When we can rest in our own aloneness as an inner source of love, joy, silence and satisfaction, then our aloneness becomes a door to belongingness to life, to oneness with the Whole.
Meditation can be defined as the art of learning to be with ourselves in our aloneness.
Meditation means learning to appreciate our own aloneness. Meditation is learning to rest in our own aloneness. When we can rest in our own aloneness, it becomes an inner source of love, joy, acceptance, relaxation, silence, creativity, freedom and wholeness.
Love and aloneness are really two sides of the same coin.
The inner aloneness and the outer love are two aspects of the same phenomenon. Meditation is learning to be happy and satisfied in our aloneness, and love is the fragrance that arises when we can rest in our own aloneness.
A friend of mine said that she often feels alone, but that she accepts this aloneness as a source of meditation.
Love is not an exclusive relationship with another person; love is the quality that arises when we are in contact with our inner being, with our authentic self, with the meditative quality within, with the inner silence and emptiness. This inner emptiness is experienced and is expressed on the outside as love. This is not a love that is addressed to a certain person. It is a presence and a quality that exists as a fragrance around a person, which is experienced by others as love.
A therapist needs to develop the capacity to rest in his own aloneness as an inner source of love, joy, silence and satisfaction. When the therapist can rest in his own aloneness, he does not need to seek confirmation from clients. He can receive nourishment and inspiration from within himself or through friend and colleagues.
Life is a continuous development and balance between opposite poles and tendencies. It is a continuous development and balance between love and aloneness, between holding on and letting go, between our male and female qualities and between love and freedom.
Meditation is development and a balance between aloneness, to be with oneself, and love, to relate with others. It is a balance between inner emptiness and the outer world. It is like the balance between the East and West, between spirituality and materialism, between body and soul – and both these aspects are needed to create wholeness.
The psychologist Carl Gustav Jung has called the two aspects aloneness and love for introvert and extrovert personality type, but he has not considered that these both aspects are really complementary aspects. The psychological and spiritual development process is about integrating both these aspects in our being.
Using concepts from the world of Hegel, you could say that Jung described the thesis and the anti-thesis, but he did not describe the synthesis between the thesis and anti-thesis. Jung’s approach was also to create a synthesis between modern Western psychology and classic Eastern philosophy, but on the road he lost the method to create this synthesis. The method and the practical tool to create this synthesis in our own being is meditation.
Meditation is the only way to go beyond the personality and create this synthesis in our own consciousness. Otherwise it would be like creating a science, but without creating a practical research method through which you can use this science. In this context, meditation can be described as a subjective science through which you learn to study and observe your own inner world with the same accuracy and objectivity as natural science studies the outer world.
Some people can easier be alone with themselves and other people can easier love and relate with people. My experience is that there are basically two kinds of people: those that easier can be happy and satisfied in their own aloneness and those that can love and relate with people. Depending on previous experiences in life, we can easier be with ourselves in our own aloneness and have a tendency to reduce ourselves when we relate
with other people. None of these ways are better or worse than the other.
Aloneness means to learn to give this moment to yourself.
To rest in our own aloneness is like sitting on the top of a mountain liberated from the noise and madness of the world.
The basic fear of aloneness is that in aloneness we are nobody.
Aloneness has always been my continuous companion in life. A friend of mine once said to me that of all people that he knew, I was probably the one who knew most about aloneness. I also remember that I once asked one of my teachers in life if it was my path to be alone. His answer was that he did not think so, but that through aloneness I could find my own inner source of love. He also said that through finding my own inner source of love, I could discover then that aloneness is no longer aloneness, but that it opens an inner door to oneness with life.
During a period in my life, I had as a continuous meditation to learn to be happy and satisfied in my own aloneness. It was a continuous meditation to learn to be so satisfied in my own aloneness that I did not need anybody or anything outside of myself. Basically I have always been comfortable with my own aloneness, but this meditation taught me to both accept when I felt a pain in my aloneness – and when my aloneness became an overflowing inner source of love. This meditation taught me that I can rest in my own aloneness as an inner source of love, and to be in contact with the Whole, without reaching outside of myself. Several people have commented during the last year that I seem so relaxed in my own aloneness.
I remember an experience that I had a year ago, which taught me a lot about aloneness. I sat alone on the train on my way to Gothenburg, the third largest town in Sweden, to conduct an intensive week with an open introductory evening, individual consultations and a weekend course. When I sat on the train, I suddenly landed in the pure aloneness of my inner being. It was like the whole world suddenly disappeared and I was totally alone. I got the feeling that it must be like this to know that you are going to die, to know that you are going to leave life, to know that you are going to leave all the people that you love and everything that is near and familiar. At the same time as it was a deeply painful experience; it was also a pleasurable experience. This experience taught me more in an hour than I could have learnt during 10 years of study in psychology at the University. This experience helped me to find a deep acceptance for the fact that I am totally alone in the world, independent of how many people are around
me. This acceptance also created a sense of liberation, a sense of joy, and a deep relaxation in myself. Later I told a friend of mine about this experience, and her thoughtful comment was: “Well, after such an experience, there is not much to be afraid of any more”.
The two Poles of Meditation: The Male and Female Pole
What are the two poles of meditation? What is the difference between the male and female pole in meditation? Life develops as an upward going spiral movement between opposite poles and tendencies. Life develops through seemingly irreconcilable pairs of opposites for example negative and positive, joy and sorrow, day and night, light and darkness, body and soul, male and female qualities and life and death.
Meditation has traditionally been associated with something serious and away from the world. Meditation has been associated with a static sitting, but exactly as a plus- and a minus pole are needed in electricity to ignite a spark, there are also two poles in meditation to ignite the spark of love. These two poles are the male and female poles in meditation.
The male pole in meditation is meditation in action. The male pole is the active and creative aspect of meditation. The female pole is the silent, receptive and watchful aspect of meditation. The female pole is the inner pole of meditation and the male pole is the outer pole of meditation. The relationship between the male and the female pole in meditation is expressed as a balance between rest and activity, between aloneness and relating and between love and freedom. The female pole is silence in our inner center,
and the male pole is movement in the periphery. It is to be in the world, but without allowing the world to be in us.
The male pole is activity and movement, like the waves on the surface of the ocean, and the female pole is the depth within ourselves, like the dark, silent bottom of the ocean.
Through the female pole within ourselves, we are in contact with Existence, with the Whole.
The female pole is the depth within ourselves – independent of if we are a man or a woman. The female pole is the door to the intuition, to the inner true voice, to our inner source of love, truth and wisdom. The female pole in meditation is our inner being, the capacity to surrender to life.
These two poles in meditation are a balance between the inner and the outer world, between relaxation and activity and between love and aloneness.
When we have developed a balance between both these poles within ourselves, we can rest in ourselves, while we are fully active, engaged and creative in the world.
To become whole means to develop a balance between the outer, active and creative male pole and the inner, silent and watchful female pole in meditation. It means to develop a balance between effort and rest, between aloneness and relating – movement in the periphery and silence in our inner being, in our center.
The female pole in meditation is our true source of creativity. The key to allow creative impulses to arise from the female pole in meditation, from our inner being, is trust.
We need to develop a trust to allow creative and authentic impulses to arise moment to moment from our inner being. To allow our creativity to arise moment to moment from meditation can create insecurity, which is why a trust is needed to allow creative impulses to arise from the inner being, from the meditative quality within, from inner emptiness. A friend of mine once said: “In the moment, we always know what to do”.
Most of us prefer one pole before the other in our lives. Developing both poles happens when we say “yes” and allows a healing process, which makes us more whole and faceted than before. It is when both these opposites are represented within ourselves, that we discover a source of healing, a source of love, deep within ourselves, which is our true inner nature.
Through developing a balance between the male and female pole in our lives, work and creativity also transforms into meditation.
To choose only the male pole without the balance of the female pole in meditation results in ego, destructiveness and separation from life. To choose only the female pole without the balance of the male pole results in passivity. These two poles in meditation are like the balance between east and West, between spirituality and materialism, between body and soul – and both these poles are need ed to create wholeness. It is when we have developed a balance between the male and the female pole that a new spark arises deep
within us – and we experience the limitless and boundless source of creativity within ourselves.
Love and Aloneness – Exercises
Exercise 1: To Consciously Chose to be Alone
This is a meditation to consciously choose to be with yourself in your aloneness during a whole day. Let this meditation be a conscious choice to give this day to yourself as a meditation to be consciously alone. This does not mean that you cannot relate with other
people during the day, but be aware about how willing you are to be alone with yourself, without any wish to receive anything from the other people and without any wish to change situations during the day.
Let this meditation be a way to discover the joy in being with yourself in your aloneness.
Let it be a meditation to be creative in your own aloneness. Be also aware about how much you can include and accept feelings of fear that can arise during this meditation.
Allow yourself to love and accept yourself in your aloneness, and include feelings that can arise during this meditation.
Be aware how much you can allow yourself to be happy and satisfied in your aloneness as an inner source of love, joy, relaxation, silence, freedom, creativity and wholeness.
Exercise 2: The rhythm of love and meditation,
relating and aloneness
This is an exercise to become aware of the rhythm between love and meditation, between relating and aloneness. Be aware when it is authentic to be alone together with yourself and when it is authentic to relate with other people.
When it is authentic to be alone with yourself, then allow yourself to give the time and space to yourself – and allow your aloneness to be an inner source of love, joy, relaxation, silence, freedom and wholeness.
Exercise 3: Paint a picture of the rhythm
of love and aloneness
This exercise aims on painting a picture in color and form of your experience of the rhythm of love and aloneness. You can also choose to paint three pictures: one for your experience of love, one for your experience of aloneness and one for your experience of the rhythm of love and aloneness. If you do this exercise together with a partner, then discuss the pictures with your partner.
Exercise 4: To become conscious about that which you need outside of yourself
This is a meditation to become conscious about that which you need outside of yourself in order to be happy and satisfied. It is a meditation to become aware about how much you need people and things outside of yourself to be happy and satisfied.
Begin this meditation by sitting comfortably and then turn your attention within yourself.
See all the people and the things outside of yourself, for your inner attention, that you are identified and engaged in order to be happy and satisfied.
Then imagine a large pair of scissors by which you cut of the ties of identification with everything that you need outside of yourself to be happy. Continue to cut off the ties with everything that comes up within yourself, until you can rest in your inner being, in your inner source of love, joy, freedom, silence and satisfaction.
Exercises – The two Poles of Meditation: The Male and Female Pole
Exercise 1: Paint a picture of the male and female pole
This exercise aims on becoming aware of the relationship between your male and female pole in meditation through painting three pictures in color and form. First, paint a picture of your male pole, then paint a picture of your female pole, and finally paint a picture of the relationship between your male and female pole in meditation. If you do this exercise together with a partner, then take some time to discuss the pictures with your partner.
Exercise 2: Write about the relationship between the male and female pole in Meditation
This is an exercise to explore the relationship between your male and female pole in meditation. First write 1 page each about your male and female pole in meditation. Then write 1 page about the relationship between your male and female pole in meditation.
Exercise 3: The relationship between the male and female pole in meditation
This is a meditation to become aware about the relationship between the male and female pole in meditation, between activity and relaxation, between aloneness and relating, between effort and rest and between movement and silence, in your daily life.
While you are fully engaged in activity, be aware about the balance between the outer, active and creative male pole and the inner, silent and watchful female pole in meditation – movement in the periphery and silence in our inner being, in our center. In this way creativity and work becomes transformed into meditation.
Exercise 4: Creativity and the relationship between the male and female pole in Meditation
This is an exercise to become aware about what expands the male and female pole in meditation. Take as a meditation to become aware about what brings joy both to the male and female pole in expressing themselves creatively. The male pole can for example need more space in expressing activity and creativity, and the female pole can need more room for meditation, to just be, or for expressing creativity for example through painting, cooking, or to be out in the healing power of nature.
– Swami Dhyan Giten